January 26, 2017

All tht Shizz urt Mah Brainzzzz

But I Used Glitter ... ?

And I Want to Line Up Everyone and BITCH SLAP them

We Don't.

When you work in Healthcare, 
you see things that you wish you didn't
You see someone go from healthy to sick
Strong to weak
There to not there
And it seems to happen in the blink of an eye

Watching your loved one(s) slip slowly into oblivion is not something I'd wish on my own worst enemy

Becoming an adult is both good and bad
There's growing up, which is followed by (not in any certain order), getting your first kiss, driving, going from your first underpaid job to hopefully a better paying job, traveling the world, meeting Mr or Mrs Right, getting married, starting a family, buying a house, getting a pet, sending your kids to school/college, becoming grandparents, watching your children grow up and growing old with someone, hopefully having all of your hopes, goals and dreams come true before your time is up.

That's the good

The bad ...

Having to say goodbye to people you know, you like, you love
And these goodbyes happen much earlier than you'd like
We may say we're prepared
But how does one really prepare themselves for such an earth shattering event?
Going through hardships, losing faith, losing friends, falling out of love, discovering you found Mr or Mrs Wrong

Getting even older
There's this fear of forgetting everyone
Forgetting everything
Just going through the motions
Waiting for your body to give up
Days, weeks, months or years after your mind already has

It's a scary thought to know that one day you might not know anything

Knowing this should make us more aware
It should make us more kind and compassionate
It should make us treasure each and every single day
It should make us tell our friends and family that we love them every single day

And yet, we don't.

January 1, 2017

Netflix and Chill

I've been told on more than one occasion that I'm missing out on something extraordinary because I refuse to get into a relationship. Perhaps I'm taking the glass half full approach. Perhaps I'm being too cynical. Perhaps this. Perhaps that. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Some may say I'm bitter. Others may say I'm scared. However, when it really comes down to it, I'm just being a realist. So, here's to keepin' it real in 2017 ya'll.

July 25, 2016

I Tried ...

So, I tried jumping on the whole Almond Milk train because I thought, why not? And also because I hate soy milk. People say Almond Milk tastes good and they like it. And then there's the whole, if everyone drank it we wouldn't have to subject cows to such torture and then we'd cut down on the methane production and ... insert all of the other reasons why we shouldn't drink milk and have dairy farms -- I'm not even going to get into the whole meat debacle because if I could eat bacon every day without having a heart attack, I would.

Here's how it went down.

First, I smelled it. Just a hint of almond. Okay, I like almonds so clearly I can do this. Then I took the tiniest of sips and -- cue gag reflex, which after years and years of being a huge whore, I thought no longer existed, but alas, there it was. However, I'm not a quitter, so I thought I should give it a try with something, perhaps it would taste better? I poured a little on some cereal and could still taste it. It wasn't very sweet tasting and it wasn't vanilla-y, like the label claimed it would be. I put the bowl down to go and get something, I forget what, but I wasn't gone for maybe more than a minute ... and in that time, the almond paste or whatever it is separated from the water or whatever else makes up the "milk" and I'm sorry to say but it looked like someone had ejaculated all over my cereal. It had to be thrown out. I was bummed because that was the last of my Raisin Nut Bran, and also I really wanted to like it.

Eh. It is what it is. Sorry cows. I'm going to still keep looking. Any suggestions?

June 5, 2016

This Little Light of Mine ...

I can't remember exactly how long it's been since I asked you to stop talking to me for the 900th time and  you actually listened. Although to be fair, all those times you texted me, they were mostly my fault. You see, I'd find myself thinking of you, about you, missing you and then oddly enough you'd text me shortly thereafter. I know that doesn't mean we're soulmates or anything, I just always found it to be funny, annoying, cute and most of all -- soul-crushing. You see, I know it's my fault that we never became anything other than friends. It always comes back to haunt me that I pushed you away. You pushed a little too in the beginning because of your horrible breakup before me -- but the way that I pushed you away. Well, let's just say, I don't blame you for not loving me. And it's funny because in the beginning/middle and sort-of near the end, I was so upset because you didn't and now I'm older and know with all of my being that it is totally on me.

I see all of my friends falling in love and getting married and I realize it's just that time. But when I saw that you fell in love and got married, at least I assume you've since married your fiancee, I'm not gonna lie. It threw me. I suppose I could check on FB or ask someone to check to see if you're married now, but seeing is different than, I guess, not seeing. For example, I know it's true but I haven't seen pictures and hence no breakdown. It's just so weird. You see ... you kept texting me while you were dating this girl and I kept telling you not to and you kept saying, Why not? We're friends aren't we?

I wish we could be friends but -- having to look at you and then look at her, it would just be throwing my mistake in my face over and over and over again. I have made so many mistakes in my life. The other mistake being that the man I met after you ... he was ... he was it. The one. My soulmate. The man I would love spending forever with. But, I couldn't get you out of my head and so I pushed him away too.

Why am I writing about this? Well, I saw someone drive by, the sun beating down on their fair skin, skin dotted with freckles and highlighting their red hair. And, it made me think of you. It made me miss you. I knew that I wasn't going to hear from you. But there was a tiny part of me ---- no. I know it's over and done with. You not messaging me means that you've not only kept your promise to stop but also that you have completely moved on.

I am happy for you. I don't wish her any ill-will, in fact, if anything I'm thankful that she makes you happy. You deserve it.

I just. I just miss you.