February 4, 2018

Late Night ...

Up eating a late night snack because I can't sleep. Oh and I'm fat. So ... yeah.

February 3, 2018

UNO you di'int.

I've been playing UNO & Friends on my phone, and it is turning me into a total rage monster. I get so angry at people. I know, I know -- they have to play the cards they're given. It just sucks when they give me all the WILD +4 and +2 cards and I'm left with like 20 cards by the end of the game. So I'll be sitting in my room like, Oh really bitch? Okay, so that's how it's going to be? But what angers me the most? If a person has 2 cards left and they use one to change colors ... you have to try and not play that color! Sure - you could still put down a number that matches their card, but will it really hurt to use a different color/number or pick one from the deck? It just aggravates me. Come on folks - GAME STRATEGY! And I know it's how the game goes, but I could have 2 cards left and be in second place but if I haven't racked up as many points -- then I could end up in fourth. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's a game and that I can't lose my shit over something as silly as this. And then I play another hand and someone does something to piss me off and I'm like, fuck you CUNT! Yeah. Perhaps I should start doing tai chi or something.

January 29, 2018

Lieutenant Dan

I feel like a broken record but lately I've really been missing you ... so much. What are you doing now? Where are you? Are you married? Do you have children? Are you healthy? Are you happy? ... Do you remember me? Do you ever stop and think about me? Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I hope not. I hope you've forgotten all about me. I hope you met the perfect girl. You know, the girl that realized you were the one the moment she laid eyes on you, the girl that vowed to never break your heart. The girl that will love you forever. I wish I'd been that girl, but I was too stupid, too damaged, too -- fucked up. I hope that the two of you have the whole white picket fence, 2.5 baths, kids, dogs, and whatever else it is that soulmates have and whatever else makes you happy. Maybe no to kids, maybe several motorcycles or guitars or whatever.

I'm sad. But I know it's my fault. I took you for granted, I pushed you away, I ... I lost you.This isn't me trying to be a martyr, it's me owning up to my mistakes. Hoping that you'll feel my good wishes for you. Wherever you are.

I wish someone had told me that just because my father walked out on me when I was little, doesn't mean that all men will. Because I could be a part of something great right now. Then again, maybe this was all part of the plan. If it was, it's a shitty plan.

I'm going to be sad about this for probably my entire life. Well, maybe in my next life, we'll find each other ... and if so, I will never let you go.

January 28, 2018

Those were the days ...

I used to love the books that would give you choices and you'd get sent to certain pages, i.e. Should Ty do this (p 4) or should Ty do that (p 7). Each choice ultimately leads you to an ending that you created ... Well, the author did, but you get the idea. And then you'd re-read the book and pick different choices to get a different ending. I think each book allowed you to get 4 different endings. Sometimes I cheated. Stupid, I know ... but I just wanted a perfect ending. I suppose that's the only way I'll get one in my life, is if I read about it. Chances of me meeting and marrying either Chris Evans, Pratt, Pine OR Sebastian Stan are totally slim to none to are you fucking stupid Ty. Oh, can't forget Robert Buckley aka Major from iZombie.

I'm 32 years old and find myself wishing I could just go back to the days when the only thing that disappointed me was a bad ending to a book.

January 26, 2018

And there it is ...

I'm not really sure how to describe what I've been feeling lately. I'm lost, yet not. Sad, yet not. Aggravated, yet not. Does that make any sense?

Nasty Press

First there were Nasty Women ... now there are Nasty Press ... 

I could make a fortune selling these.
I'd love to see Anderson Cooper sporting one of these.

Everybody's thoughts are the same ...

I've been watching Dead Like Me on HULU. If you have HULU and you haven't tried it yet and you aren't a super uptight conservative with an aversion to profanity and sexual innuendos, then I strongly suggest you try it. It's a show about GRIM REAPERS. The reapers take the soul out of a person  about to die an incredibly gruesome death to prevent pain ... i.e. Someone gets hit by a piano but they don't feel anything because one of the reapers touched them before they died and removed their soul. There are several divisions of reapers and the division the show focuses on is for violent murders and horrible accidents. The reapers are un-dead, so they're human but not human. In the show, the characters look like the people they died, but to other humans they look different, because obviously they can't still look like who they were before they died.

Unfortunately the show is no longer on, so there aren't any new episodes, which is a total bummer for me because I've been hardcore binge-ing and soon it'll be over ... lesigh


In one of the episodes, George and the others head to HAPPY TIME, George's other job. Oh yeah, Reapers don't get paid to take souls, so they often take the belongings of the person whose soul they've taken or go out and get a job ... They're assigned by their Supervisor, to record the 'last thoughts of every person whose soul they've taken. While they're reading them off it becomes clear that almost all of the thoughts consist of, I should've, could've, would've ... why am I alone? I'm so alone. Why has no one ever loved me?

If you were to die today ... what would your last thought be?

Mine would be more than just a sentence. It would be a damn paragraph. Does guilt ever go away?

"You know the most destructive force in the Universe? Guilt" -- Men in Black III